Hero or Victim — Your Choice

 

For a long time now I’ve been immersed in, and guided by, the Heroic Journey archetype. I’ve taught its outline in preparation for vision quests, used its organizational structure as a template for writing a book, and applied it as a master pattern in soul-centered workshops and programs designed to explore the depths of the human psyche.

Right now, beginning this new year called 2021, it would be easy to complain a little… about the pandemic, social isolation, economic difficulties, maybe politics… to tell a little victim story about “name-your subject.” But don’t do it! It’s a waste of your energy, and it would be you – not the world – that’s wasting it1

Here’s a little story of someone who refused to be a victim…

This story is about Pete Frates, a former captain of the Boston College baseball team. He moved to Europe with his fiancé to pursue his baseball career, playing professionally and teaching the sport to kids. In March of 2012, at the age of 27, he was injured — hit by a pitch – visited a doctor, where it was discovered he had ALS, a disease with a terminal diagnosis. If there ever was an excuse, a justification to complain, this was it. This was a story that screamed “poor victim,” if there ever was one. But for Pete Frates, it wasn’t.

“Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change what I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.” — so goes the Serenity Prayer. The diagnosis of ALS could not be changed, but in the time he had left, Peter Frates could change the way he lived. He threw himself into living fully – getting married the following year and committing himself to raising money to help treat the disease for those who followed. Instrumental in raising over $200 million via the “ALS Ice Bucket Challenge,” according to the ALS Association, “Pete changed the trajectory of ALS forever and showed the world how to live with a fatal disease.”

He persevered to the end – dying a year ago last month. Though paralyzed, confined to a wheelchair, and having to be fed through a straw, he never gave into despair or resignation, saying, “The man upstairs has a plan for me. This is the hand I’ve been dealt, and I’ve made my peace with it.” Unable to change Fate, he lived heroically. He made a difference. His life mattered.

Everyone can choose to become a hero. Alternatively, you can choose to be a victim. It’s either-or. Avoiding the choice is not a real option. That in itself is a choice — to let the world decide the storyline. There’s no lack of victim-playing in today’s world – read any headline. Choosing – and it is a choice – the victim role is an inauthentic, charade of power. It states that life is unfair or unjust to me (or us), and “you (whoever that is) owe me.”  It’s ultimately life-denying and leads to an endless spinning around the Drama Triangle (see diagram below).

In this triangle there are only three positions – Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer – and they all need each other. If you are a Victim… you need to have persecutors, be they “socialists, liberal, elites, and immigrants” or “racists, capitalists, or straight, white men.” Rescuers are sometimes therapists who comfort their clients’ hurt feelings but never challenge them. Or they could be “woke” social justice warriors,” who need oppressors — like the “capitalists, racists, etc.” — as well as victims — the “poor, oppressed, marginalized, etc.” — to save. Without victims, the need to play savior (and atone for guilt) has nowhere to go.

Choosing to live heroically requires leaving the victim triangle behind… in your own life and for others. It requires courage and claims responsibility (response-ability) for one’s life. Peter Frates was white, male, and college educated – which makes him privileged, according to some accounts. Privileged? Would you want to change places with him? I doubt many would. Yet he lived fully… courageously, spectacularly, heroically. Does it help anyone – ourselves included – to validate some victim story if you could be helping and supporting people to commit to their own heroic journey, much as Peter Frates did?

For me, I want to live heroically. I want to light and feed the fire of that longing. I want that for you as well… and to whatever extent I can help you do that, to that extent I think I may have actually helped you. There’s an old saying that “wind feeds a fire, but extinguished a candle.” I want to honor and support that fire – in you and me – and stop thinking about ourselves as some little tender flame that needs to be protected. This is the year… this is the time — Now. You and me. I want us to live heroically.

Sparrow Hart – January 4, 2021