Egos and Trees

In the process of guiding vision quests, I share a cornucopia of rituals, exercises, or ceremonies which people may do – or not – as part of their solo time. The following – Presenting Your Ego to a Tree — can be fun, as well as quite revealing.

It begins by having people go onto the land and wander until they each find a tree that “speaks to them,” a tree they feel connected to in some way. (In a desert, this could be a boulder.) Once they find the tree, participants stand back a few feet from its trunk and proceed—for at least five minutes—to “present their ego to the tree.” This part should be done powerfully and energetically, and ought to last the full five minutes, no matter how awkward it may feel. Once completed, the person stops, remains silent for 15–20 seconds, and then asks the tree, “Is there anything you’d like to say to me about all this?”

Presenting your ego … what does that mean? In simple terms, it’s what you do to get attention from others. It’s your “shtick,” the “face” you show to the world because it will get a response you want. For example, one person’s shtick might be, “Look how smart and funny I am!” Perhaps “he” was good in school and learned to make everyone laugh so his classmates wouldn’t envy or resent him. And it worked so well that he continues it, in some form, to this day.

Another person’s ego or shtick might be letting everyone know how tough, unflappable, or competent he is, but a shtick doesn’t have to be positive. Some version of “Let me tell you what a difficult life I’ve had” is commonly used to elicit support and sympathy, or as an excuse to avoid making choices and taking responsibility. Whatever your shtick is, the exercise requires speaking it aloud for at least five minutes, telling that tree how smart, tough, or funny you are, or what a difficult life you’ve had. When finished, after a short period of silence, you ask the tree to respond, to let you know what it thinks of all this. Stand and listen.

Note: This exercise doesn’t have to be “serious.” It can be fun, and it’s often useful to “ham it up,” to exaggerate. The point is to not hold back, to put it out there, and there may be a lesson in the presentation itself. You hear a voice — “What a crock of shit!”—as you express this “shtick” which you have done consistently – year after year — whenever people are around. Or a great insight can come in the tree’s response, a comment or observation that is wise, deep, and soulful.

The first time I ever did this, I found myself next to a large Engelmann Spruce on a mountainside in central Mexico. After five endless minutes of vanity about my intelligence and humor, I asked the Spruce’s opinion.

“Do you think any of that will help you when it’s time to die?” it said. I was stunned, silent, and “Hell no… of course not” was all I could think. A few minutes later I “heard” the Spruce speak again…

“I think of you as my little brother. So, to me you are the son of the Mountains and a brother to the Trees. And if you remember that when Death comes, it will help.”

Those words landed and have stayed with me for 25 years, connecting the dots and bringing back stories and memories spanning decades… my parents telling the story of me climbing Mt. Monadnock at age three … leaving graduate school for the Cascades and Rockies … my first fast on Black Elk Peak … the Copper Canyon … the Last Chance Range.

What do mountains and trees have in common? Trees send their roots into the ground and their crowns toward heaven. Mountains are the Earth itself thrusting up into the air. They connect earth and sky. The Engelmann Spruce was right. I am a son of the mountains and brother to the trees; I am here to connect Earth and Sky. I hope to remember that. And to the extent I do, it will help me when it’s time to die.