The Darkness Shall be the Light

The Shamanic Journeys workshop recently ended “here on the hill.” Filled with grief, gratitude, suffering, healing, heroism, connection and transformation… today I still swim in the wonder if at all. I’m drawn to share part of that wonder by addressing a few big themes that moved through our collective experience.

First, to fully say “Yes” to life, we have to say yes to all of it — the light and the shadow, the suffering as well as the joy. Destruction holds hands with creation, terror comes along with wonder. The ancient Yin Yang symbol — the dark snake of chaos and the white snake of order attempting to devour each other — represents this duality inherent in everything and the balance required for life to flourish.

“God loves the wicked who know they’re wicked, far more than he loves the righteous who know they’re righteous.” **

The shadow must be welcomed, not denied. Anything that has form, anything not completely transparent, casts a shadow. Focusing exclusively on the light is dangerous. Psychologically, the (personal) shadow refers to all the areas of darkness we don’t see when we turn our attention in only one direction – toward the light. Whatever this light represents – our values, beliefs, commitments, definitions of goodness… be they moral, patriotic, economic, etc. – the shadow refers to the hidden costs and the negative consequences that are invisible, ignored, or denied, inevitably accompanying whatever good (or god) we are dedicated to pursue.

It’s not fun to face the shadow. By definition, it contains the parts of ourselves we take pains to neither acknowledge nor admit, all those traits we fear, feel shame about, or simply don’t recognize… that don’t fit within the picture or image we want to show to the world. Unacknowledged, this dark presence will follow us everywhere with effects we may insist not to see.

Nature — life itself — is whole, round, complete. It moves through repeating successions of death, decay, and rebirth without beginning or end. Creation includes yin and yang, up and down, night and day… embodying both sides of whatever the mind divides into opposites. Everything bathed in light also blocks the light and keep it from reaching something else. All action – no matter how well intended – has effects and outcomes that can be harmful to ourselves or something else.

Joseph Campbell once said, “Every demon is just a God we haven’t recognized yet.” It’s a dangerous illusion to think we can avoid the polarities inherent in the process of living, to assume that we can (or should) be “good” all the time. We can also limit and disempower ourselves through becoming victims to the “bad experiences” visited upon us… the wounds and things that “shouldn’t have happened,” because we have to find our way through and live with what did happen. The judgment that it “shouldn’t have” gets in the way of beginning and engaging with that journey.

This past week a courageous woman shared a dark episode in her life. As an infant she witnessed a horrible violation of her older sister and caretaker. Decades of recurring nightmares and a feeling of grief and angst always lurked nearby. A compulsive savior or rescuer, she could never do or be enough. And yet she was also brave, determined, relentless; she’d done extraordinary things. Descending into her well of grief, she faced and let go of the dark shadow in her old story – the pain that believing she had to save everyone caused her — and claimed (and celebrated) the heroic life she’d led and the hero she had become in response. “If becoming the person you are today required bearing this burden for six decades, would you have bought the ticket?” she was asked… and a grateful and smiling “Yes” was her answer.

When people gather in a circle, everyone faces a distinct direction — their own – with sources of light, perspectives, and frames of reference different than yours. Every shadow is visible to someone. If one’s commitment is to looking good, you refuse to embrace these other perspectives. They’ll be dismissed, or labeled misguided, dishonest, or immoral. But if your intention includes knowing yourself fully, these contrary, uncomfortable perspectives can be welcomed as allies.

Facing and coming to terms with our shadow is required to claim our wholeness. One does not get to live in some shining city on the hill replete with just “good” situations and emotions. If we want to open our mind, senses, and hearts… if we want to feel and experience life fully, we must feel and experience it all. Love comes with grief and loss; your victory may be another’s defeat. Creation and destruction work side by side; terror and wonder are holding hands. Consistently avoiding what is distressing or difficult requires that we disconnect, repress, and numb ourselves to feeling and experience all across the board. Many are committed to doing just that, but many are not. Treasure them, for that is fertile soil where life can flourish.

** Old Hassidic saying

     — June 14, 2022