The Other Story

The Other Story:

Over the past several days, I’ve been editing a training manual I created for a men’s program — the Mythic Warrior – that encompassed nine weekends, one per month. The manual includes “the game plan” — the list of rituals, processes, and exercises planned for each weekend – a section on Rituals and Exercises describing how to set up, perform, and lead each of the processes, as well as sections on Themes and Concepts and another on Resources.

It’s been satisfying doing it, reminding me how much I loved the bonds and all we did in those groups, and the editing itself bringing many a “Wow, this is great stuff!” moments. I want to share a bit of that writing below – taken from the concept of the “Other Story” – and how I see its relevance to some of the struggles we face today.

“We always perceive the world through a lens. This is both necessary and unavoidable, but it contains seeds of a potential problem. Viewing the rings of Saturn requires a telescope, no way around it. But that telescope is useless to find pathogens in our blood or see what’s at our feet that we’re about to trip over. Every lens—telescope, microscope, infrared—has a power to bring certain things into focus — valuable for its intended purpose, but useless — even dangerous — in another circumstance.

“In our healing work, often we focus our attention to our personal history — our past and the various wounds we’ve received. We examine it through a lens – call it the psychological lens — developed over the past hundred years, starting with Freud. Generally speaking, this psychological lens focuses on our neuroses, our pains and dysfunctions and where they came from — Mom, Dad, trauma, etc.—while attempting to give guidance and suggest remedies for addressing them. It tells a story of our wounds, implies that our direction was determined or altered by the past, and, within limits, advises us what we can do about it now.

“This lens can be very useful, but it’s not the only one. An ancient point of view suggests that a person’s fate was set before birth (or outside of personal history), and the important narrative of life has far more to do with a person’s destination than where he/she came from. Various versions of this story posit a force, or soul-entity — sometimes called daemon or genius — that acts and expresses its will and direction throughout a life. In this story, the life of a Van Gogh or Mozart was not defined or determined by whether their mothers breast fed or read them fairy tales.” “While we’ll never have access to the inner workings of Mozart’s or Van Gogh’s psyche, we can try on and use lenses other than the psychological one. Gazing at the night sky with its 2,000 stars, we can connect the dots and create any picture or pattern we want. Similarly, any lens, story, or “constellation” of reality hones in on some patterns while ignoring many possible others. The psychological “constellation” can be particularly useful for our severance work, but other constellations can serve other purposes better.

“The “Other Story’ takes the point of view that “You’re exactly where you should and need to be, and Life—the Universe—has conspired and helped to get you here.” The Other Story encourages people to look at their lives and see patterns of blessing alongside the patterns of wounding. Our focus includes our helpers—allies, mentors, friends . . . inspiring books, movies, songs, artists . . . unexpected events, chance meetings, or gatherings — that have brought energy, insight, and direction to our lives, helping us arrive where we are now. When focus shifts, attitudes often shift as well — from complaint to gratitude, from cynicism to faith – generating an alternative narrative that we are supported, blessed, and belong. We have everything we need.

“This ‘Other Story’ does not deny the power of the psychological lens, which may have guided and given depth to our healing journey. But it does create another focus, one with power. It emphasizes possibilities, capacities of the heart, mind, and imagination not contained in the usual way we’ve come to look at the world. It provides a foundation better preparing us for a heroic journey, highlighting our capabilities and the path to becoming out best… “ All my life I’ve been drawn to heroic journeys, narratives that call a person to move out of the comfort zone, face fear and challenges, and through engaging them, discover responses that bring forth their best selves. For example, would Lincoln have been a great president without the Civil War; Hercules become “Hercules” without monsters and impossible tasks?

Today’s political divide contains two ideologies of grievance. One, on the right, claims they’ve been betrayed and robbed by big government, oppressive regulations, socialists, urban, liberal elites, illegal immigrants, etc. … while the other side’s list of injuries – racism, sexism, homophobia, fascism, authoritarianism, capitalism, colonialism, transphobia, etc. – all point the grievance finger away from themselves – at “them” — and claim it’s there where the blame and responsibility for fixing it lies.

Is either of these narratives inspiring or the least bit life-sustaining? It’s so easy to blame someone else and perhaps feel morally superior, while the real, down-to-earth pain and distress in our lives — expressed in regret, anxiety, depression, dis-ease, and grievance — comes from the nagging gap between a life committed to bringing out the best in us… and the kind of life — occasionally comforting — we sometimes settle for today.

Heroic journeys call people to find that best self by leaving the familiar kingdom behind and stepping outside their comfort zones… including the familiar comfort zone made up of people who agree with you, know they’re right, and feel morally superior to “them.”

How can I – you – begin to be our best selves today? A good start would be choosing the “other story.”

~ Sparrow Hart… January 22, 2021